Have you noticed how hard it can be to say ‘sorry’? Saying ‘sorry’ admits that the person saying it is in the wrong. None of us like to be thought of as being wrong in our thoughts or actions. We think of ‘wrongs’ in terms of different degrees – some things are more ‘wrong’ than others and what is wrong in my eyes may be okay in your eyes. We may each choose what is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ but that doesn’t alter the truth of our actions and our responsibility towards those actions.

Some people may sincerely believe that abortion is okay as it is not yet a baby. People used to sincerely believe that the world was flat. Their sincere beliefs didn’t make them any less wrong. For women whose denial has given way to the truth of their actions – their baby is dead due to their actions. They now need to offer and receive forgiveness from all those around them, especially those who played some part in the death of their child.

This is not at all easy. She needs to recall who else was involved and their original response. Had they tried to stop her from killing her child by abortion? Then she needs to admit she was wrong and seek their forgiveness. Had they pressured her into having killing her child by abortion? Then she needs to forgive them. Are they members of her family? Do they even know that she killed another member of the family? How should she tell them, and will telling them cause them pain? Will they still like her once she has told them and will they forgive her? However, seeking and receiving forgiveness is not always possible. People will have moved on. She may never have even known their names, particularly those in the hospital or clinic who performed the abortion operation or gave her the drugs that would kill her child. Yet in the Lord’s Prayer it says “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”.

How, then, can a woman find the peace that comes from forgiveness? She may not even want to forgive those who encouraged her to kill her child by abortion. The pain may still be too raw to even think about that.

Forgiveness comes slowly and often is a choice. A choice over a feeling. “I may not feel like forgiving you, but I choose to do so as I know it is the only way I can move forward.”

Counsellors will encourage writing letters to those that have hurt you thus allowing you to express your thoughts and feelings in a ‘safe’ environment, especially as the letters may never be sent. Many women find it easier to forgive others than to forgive themselves as they know the bitterness inside them will not go away until they have let go of the hold they have had on that person. The person may be totally unaware of what is going on or the feelings and pain that the woman who has killed her unborn child by abortion is going through. Or the part they may have had in the situation. What is significant to one person can be totally insignificant to someone else.

To find true peace, however, the death of a child by abortion needs to be recognised not just as ‘wrong’ but as a sin. Sin is a word not often used today as people hate to think of themselves as ‘sinners’. Yet the Bible in Romans 3 v 23 tells us “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”. This is why so many women feel the need to be punished for their actions. They know they have transgressed God’s law. Man has changed the law to say that it is okay to kill a child by abortion and making a ‘wrong’ right. But God’s law, that which is written on our hearts, cannot be changed. A sin remains a sin no matter what ‘man’ has decreed. It is to God we look for forgiveness.

As sinners, we know that we deserve to be punished. Romans 6 v 23 says “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” This means by dying on the cross Jesus took our punishment in our place. The price is paid. We can either accept that “It is finished” as Jesus said on the cross just before he died, or we can reject it. If we accept that the punishment for ‘my’ individual sins has already been carried out, then we can come to God in repentance, and seek and receive the forgiveness that He offers. If we reject that Christ died in place of ‘me’ for ‘my’ sins, then we will have to accept the punishment of eternal death when we stand before God on the Day of Judgement.

We may sincerely believe that we are not as bad as the next person, or that God doesn’t even exist, or that God is love and will not punish anyone, but the Bible also tells us in James 2 v 19 “You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that – and shudder.” It is not enough to ‘believe in God’ but we must individually believe that Jesus died on the cross for me.

When we get to that point of accepting the forgiveness of God for our individual sins, no matter how big or small, then we can accept Him as Lord of our lives. We are cleansed and justified ( ‘just as if I’d’ never sinned ) from our sins. Then we will know the peace of God. There will be a lightness in our spirits – we are ‘born again’.

Once we know that forgiveness from God we can then tell others. If those who have walked through the pain of knowing they have played some part in the death of a child by abortion, whether you are the mother or the doctor that performed the abortion or anyone else, once you have accepted the forgiveness of God then you need to tell others to prevent them from committing the same sin and experiencing the same pain.

The actual healing may still take a long time following acceptance of ‘Christ dying for me’. It may take many years from first ‘telling your story‘ to the point of full healing.
But acknowledging that the killing of a child by abortion is wrong is the first step on the road to healing, forgiveness and salvation.

There is a saying:
No God – No Peace
Know God – Know Peace

Are you ready to start the healing process?